Wedding postponed: the experience of a bride

This year has been – and sadly will be – hard for the industry of ceremony: in Italy, as we know one of the countries most damaged by Covid19, the estimated number of the postponed wedding is 70.000.

And if this means huge problems for the worker in the sector, we can’t underestimate the psychological shock lived by the couples. Are mainly the brides, those most involved in the wedding organization, to suffer from the situation.

As a psychologist, other than a wedding planner, I really care for my brides’ emotional wellness. In recent months I have offered support to couples who have found themselves dealing with organizational and even psychological difficulties (if you have not yet done so I recommend you read this post)

For this reason, I couldn’t do anything but be impressed with this mail I received some day ago from one of my brides – just after the Italian government announced new restrictive measures for the increased number of Covid19 cases in Italy.

Postposed wedding (for the second time): a bride’s email

Hi Tania!

Well…saying we are disappointed is an understatement. We thought we finally make it. We thought that we would be able to close this stupid 2020 in the best way in the end. We were certain that all would come together, and we would be able to realize our dream. You know, after ten years of engagement – In Italy, we often have very long engagements before wedding – we can’t wait to start our new life together. But again, our fairy tale is over. 

Back in March, when we delayed our wedding for the first time, we were disappointed but positive with your vital help. We feel that 26th April was really too early to celebrate, inappropriate for the gravity of our situation. Putting back our wedding until the middle of October seems the right thing.

But today, finding out for the second time that we have to delay, only a few days from our date…Tania, I am wasted. This wait becomes more stressful every day. And with the uncertainty around our lives, I wonder: is it worth waiting any longer? Even after this long time together? We dreamed, we spent a lot of money…all the privations…I don’t know if I have enough courage to throw everything up.

Not to mention the suppliers, I did not dare to speak to them… I personally tried to contact the restaurant, you know, I wanted to apologize and ask for available dates for next year, the last time they were so friendly. Instead, I was shocked …They want a second deposit!

I wonder why? It is not our fault. We have already invested all our budget.

I would like you to take care of everything. I don’t want to talk with even one supplier until I have a wedding ring on my finger. I understand their financial difficulties, and I also feel guilty if I have to tell you the truth … Who knows if I will still like the dress in a year, we bought it almost two years ago, the next will be three … will it be out of fashion?

Can we meet for a date? I need to be clear about what to expect with this new postponement.

Thank you for always being there,

Let me know soon

Wedding postponed: not only bureaucratic problems but an emotional trauma

Opening this email, I stood staring at it for about ten minutes. I had so many things to say to this bride: reassurance, encouragement, explanations. After all, I’m still a psychologist.

“Wedding – postponed” two simple words that mean a world that collapses for many brides and which risks dragging them into a spiral of frustration, disappointment, and sadness. Especially if, as in this one – and unfortunately in many other cases this year – there are two postponements. What should never happen on your wedding day has happened twice here!

Two simple words that mean:

• retract with all suppliers;
• search for a new available date for the location when all the other suppliers will also be available;
• risk losing part of the payments if the suppliers are unable to reach an agreement;
• look for new suppliers – with other deposits;
• bear the psychological burden of the announcement to relatives and friends.

Added to this, we have all the concerns about the choices made (“will I still like it?”, “Will it still be trendy?”, “Will it be good for the new date/season?”). The bride must face bureaucracy, negotiations, painful announcements, all of this under the psychological weight of disappointment and bitterness for a new life that was about to begin.

For many couples, marriage is the beginning of cohabitation or the last step before a much-desired child. Postponing weddings, therefore, does not only mean delaying a party but putting back life choices. How to lighten the weight on the shoulders of the couple?

The importance of support in the event of a postponed wedding

If postponing a marriage is not easy – at all – emotionally, it is even harder if it involves bureaucratic problems.

Some of the most serious difficulties spouses may find in the occurrence of a postponed wedding are:

• suppliers who request new deposits or want to keep those already paid;
• a location that no longer has availability for dates similar to the previously chosen – often we need to change season;
• suppliers who are no longer available for the new date;
• problems with visas and documents in case of marriages abroad or with foreign spouses;
• settings no longer suitable for the new season/location;
• perplexity about the bride, bridesmaids, and witnesses dresses.

To endure all this, along with psychological distress, is certainly tough. This is why it is essential to have someone who can take care of anything for the bride and groom. A qualified professional will be able to lighten the burden on the shoulders of the couple, leaving them relaxed enough to “heal” from the disappointment and actively involving them in the new organization.

If supported correctly, the couple will understand if it is better to completely change the wedding, for example, by creating an intimate event as soon as possible, or whether it is worth waiting and experience the wedding party they have always dreamed of.

Life choices also come into play, and an expert wedding planner should back up the couple and their decisions, being a trustworthy counselor.

Proceeding without help could make the wedding organization’s wonderful journey – unforgettable even if with some unexpected events – a real nightmare that no future bride should experience. In this case, relying on a professional means facing every problem with the right tools and looking forward, with confidence and optimism, to a dream that can be achieved together.

TaniaCostantino – Full Service Wedding Planner in Sicily

Photo Credits: Gianmarco Vetrano; Kristijan Arsov;  Anthony Tran; Alvin Mahmudov;  Wes Hicks